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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006

Time:4:22 pm.
i'm done writing in this god foresaken livejournal.

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Monday, August 7th, 2006

Subject:WARNING: fat, ugly, and uninteresting blog.
Time:4:34 pm.
So if you all missed out, there was someone who posted an anonymous comment on my last entry and they were hilarious. I totally have e-haterz. But its coo, at least i'm known for something.

ANYWAY. I'm ready to change up my routine. My birthday is less than 2 weeks away which means i'll be employed soon. Full time, so no more lounging around and sleeping till 2pm. I've become so lethargic it's ridiculous. I use to go to TKB 3-4 times a week on top of the class I teach, but this past week I only worked out ONCE. One fucking day. Thats insanity! Not only have I NOT worked out, but I eat all the time. But starting today i'm getting back to the old me so I should be feeling good for my birthday. Speaking of which, I realized I have no fucking money to prepare for my big day. I think I only have 10-15 bucks in my bank account since I spent the remainder on Karie's birthday cake that they were probably too drunk to notice that I left. Oh well, hopefully roomates will hook it up on the actual day cause I totally want to go 70's retro for the dance club that night! I'm just rambling so i'll stop now.
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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006

Time:10:19 pm.
ok so in regards to brandon. i made one last pity attempt to see if he'd want to see me yet so i asked him to a movie tomorrow. he said he was working and then going to longview. thats it. i'm done. i deleted him from my cell phone, myspace, msn. everything. i'm going on a date with some guy tomorrow. so fuck him. hes so hot, but its not worth it. at allllll. but this new guy his name is etienne and hes pretty chill. i unno. something else to do since i can't be alone.
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Subject:electronic heartbreak.
Time:11:53 am.
"are you still mad at me?"
"because i'm rude?"
"ugh fuck. i'm more sorry then you'll ever know. how can i make it up to you?"
no reply.
"do you want to keep seeing me still? :/"
"we'll see"

i'm fucking incriminated for the one time i had a freak out via text message. all of those months where i was so nice don't even mean shit anymore. its like he forgot or something. he treats me like fucking shit and this is what i get. but yet i beg and beg for his forgiveness. he will probably be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. fuck.
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Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006

Time:1:27 pm.
I don't even know anymore. I'm so lame and school needs to start. Or me turning 18 so I can get that call center job because I do NOTHING productive. I even bought a pack of smokes. Thats so lame. All I do is think about how it'd be fun to be fucked up in some way, shape, or form. That and I beg for asshole boys to please let me take them to dinner. SO LAME. Oh and i'm like annoyed of my parentals. Something has come over me and I don't like it. MAKE IT GO AWAY, ahhhhh.
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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006

Subject:what goes around comes around.
Time:2:39 pm.
Apparently respecting someone is a little more then a task for him. Or I guess when that someone is me.

Fuck it all.
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Saturday, July 29th, 2006

Time:7:47 pm.
Mood: peaceful.
Haha, its like my livejournal is my romance journal but its not like I have anything else to really vent about.
So I've been seeing Brandon a lot and its just I don't know. He told me that hes pretty much going to make me his girlfriend on my birthday (since he just turned 21 and i'm STILL 17) but I don't know if I want to be just that. I thought I did, but its like I loose my identity with him. If I like someone, I will stay committed and do what I have to do in order for it to work, but he gives me nothing to go off of. I was just taking all of his shit without having any recollection of a time when he was a sweet gentlemen to me. So now after what? 2 months of this, the fire is dying out. He just takes takes takes and never EVER gives. I don't think he understands that I AM intelligent and I am capable of holding conversations. I just feel that if it were to get serious, nobody would like me anymore (as in friends). It's almost like a slave to his life and needs. Its never about what I want or how was my day. But maybe thats what bipolar people are just like? Last night was interesting he was the bad side of bipolarness, it was a anger one. He was just angry for no apparent reason. I don't know. AHHH. On the flip side, I must be hot because I've kissed like 3 different people in this past week. All I will say is two of them were girls and one was Brandon. Haha, fuck. Brandon is the last thread of a male that I'd date because after that falls through, i'm all about chicks because quite frankly...i'm tired of giving blowjobs.
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Thursday, July 27th, 2006

Time:12:01 pm.
Mood: confused.
Uncandid romance talk.

I saw Lisa last night and it/she was AMAZING. Its so cute the way she looks at me. I can tell she really digs me and I've never been able to recogonize that before. So basically the night was me coming over, watching her feed a mouse to her pet snake, us walking to a little thai resturant, us walking back home and hearing a crazed man yell "I LOVE YOUR DILDOS, THANK YOU CHILD PORN INDUSTRY!", me cutting her hair in on the corner of SE Hawthorne and 37th st. (in front of the buffalo exchange), us walking walking the SE for about an hour, and then finally the sweetest goodnight kiss(es) ever. She is a total doll. Just great in every which way. I feel so goofy and young around her which intimidates me, but i'm working on it. It's just nice for a change to have someone who actually cares to listen when I speak? Which brings me to the guy...

Brandon. The dreadful 'oh woe is me',Brandon. And YES, I am STILL seeing him. I don't know why. So many late night visits where hes fucked up in one way or another. I just don't know how much longer I can do this for. And everyone is rooting against me on this one. But yet, I keep going back. He is seriously IN-FUCKING-SANE. But he did finally fess up and apologize for being such a dick to me and also said that i'm probably the only girl that has treated him so nicely. All his friends tell him to just fucking date me. "She's hella cute and she treats you SO GOOD. Date her dude." And he would, but he has to "find himself" because hes "so lost." I guess I just don't understand the extent of his bipolarness. But I don't know...if he finally did man up and want to date me, would I go through with it? Even last night, he kept drunk calling me asking me where I was like FIVE MILLION TIMES and then get pissed when I said I was at home. THEN he proceeded to accuse me of "talking shit" about his dad (whom committed suicide) and hang up on me. He later called back and apologized for that and then thanked me for being such a great girl and he enjoyed our time together but now it was his time. He is tired of life. So I doubt he really killed himself, but he scares me sometimes because he can cut really deep. Trust me, I saw the aftermath firsthand a while back.

Just fuuuuucckk. I enjoy getting a really hot guy in the sack, but I don't if its worth it all. I usually like the bedroom aspect to compliment a relationship as whole. I don't know how much more I can take.

Blah. When did I become so good in the dating department? I've even had old guys I use to go on dates with come out of the woodworks. It's weird.

P.S. I pretty much want to move to SE Portland. I love it there.
P.S.S. Did I mention Lisa picked a flower for me on our walk? :]
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Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

Time:11:47 am.
This friday is going to be amazing. There is a special group x class thing going on at 24 hour fitness in Tualatin (the super-sport club which you have to pay a SPECIAL fee, mind you) and its called "TURBO TWIN!" I shit you not, its TWO back to back TKB classes from 6pm-8pm. It is going to be fucking tits. I am so stoked. I have done 2 classes in one day before, but that was back when I had my cert and those were about 3-4 hours apart. I wonder how much I can push myself. Oh god damn, so stoked.

ANYWAYS. I'm ungrounded....so thats cool. Peace out now.
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Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Time:1:30 pm.
I don't even know anymore.
But i'm grounded for the next two days?
I haven't been grounded in AGES.
Hm, oh well.
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Thursday, July 20th, 2006

Time:3:27 pm.
Fucking bullshit.
I am ALWAYS available for him. When hes too drunk to realize anything and needs someone...i'm there. Now that I have to drive an hour away...am I useless? He acknowledge that I too nice to him, I treat him so good, and ALL of his friends even say that he should date me. But hes afraid of getting hurt? Wtf. WTF. I send him the sweetest message and I unno. This is jibber jabber and all I can really say about it is that fuckin' a. FUCKIN' A.

On the flipside, we moved EVERYTHING today so I no longer live in Hillsboro. Also, Lisa said we're going to drink together this weekend so I can't wait. Maybe she can make me forget about him. That fucking guy I just can't seem to quit.
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Sunday, July 16th, 2006

Time:1:49 am.
i like the oregon coast, rock climbing, teaching my bitchin' kickboxing class, ladytron, science, and hookah(sp?) bars.


moving on thursday! sweeeeeeeet.
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Monday, July 10th, 2006

Time:12:05 pm.
The house is coming along nicely. We keep moving minor things on over so the big move won't be AS bad since now we have no movers to help us.

Other than the house, dad is away at Texas for a week. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders for some reason. Mom is a little less in my face about staying out late and whatnot so even though its only been one day...i feel so free. Last night I met up with Lisa and her friend Ryan. She lives RIGHT on Hawthorne by buffalo exchange and the old red light, so that was cool. Lisa was just as goregous as I had imagined and not to mention funny. We went to a show at this small venue right off of the burnside bridge. Watched some bands, it was cool/interesting. The coolest part about this venue is that all the bands can set up multiple sets...so when this one band was done, the next was already playing in the distance and everyone just walked on over. But yeah, my night was pretty radicial....I even was ballsy enough to kiss Lisa. Which is weird, but it felt right? I unno. If I do end up with Lisa, that'd be funny. I'd never stop getting the 'lesbo' jokes, but meh. I think the hardest part would be explaining it to my parents...or even my friends. But i'm sure a majority of them will except me and love me just the same. I always knew I wasn't completely into guys only and now finally, after 5-6 years of wondering, i'm able to test it out.
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Sunday, July 9th, 2006

Time:1:24 am.
i'm gonna explode. she makes my heart race while talking to her. NO ONE has EVER made me feel like i'm gonna have a panic attack...in a wonderful way of course! haha i can't believe i'm this giddy over a GIRL. definitely a new path for me. i don't know what else to say except i'm just so happy.
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Friday, July 7th, 2006

Time:5:03 pm.

Oh and I am on cloud nine as well about that girl. Her friend just sent me a message on myspace saying that she can't stop talking about me and how we should go on a date. I have freaking butterflies in my tummy...that is a good sign. She is so pretty and likes a shit ton of music (especially metal)...not to mention shes a smart one too! Ahhh, yes.
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Time:3:14 am.
My yahoo horoscope:

Daily Flirt:
Follow your instincts and see how far they take you. There's something new ahead that should make you glad to be alive. It could be the start of a new phase of your life.

So I'm interested in someone. And its weird cause its way different than the others before. This is because it is someone of the same sex as myself. Yeah I know, crazy right? Hmmm...hopefully it will be a new phase of my life. Cause everything else has sucked this past year (in the romance department that is.)
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Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

Time:3:06 pm.
Dear self,

You are SUCH a bitch.
Such a slimy whorey bitch.

And I can't even tell anyone why.

God dammit.

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Time:7:13 am.
I swear to god, I have the best fucking part-time job ever. I love teaching. There is nothing that feels better than sharing my passion to people. And for people to tell me that I am good at doing that...its so rewarding. I know, I am Miss I fucking hate the world, but seriously. I love it. LOOOOOOOVE IT. Words cannot express how fucking stoked I am to teach at 24 hour fitness. My birthday is going to kick ass...I get to teach my class and then go to 24 to finalize my papers. Ugh sweet.

But besides that...I have a lot of time on my hands. TODAY is fucking DAY we find out if we are seriously moving or not. And if we don't find out today, i'm fucking done. I'm going to look for a job cause I am bummin' hardcore and its getting old. I'm trying to decide what to do today, but the weather is looking grim. I wanted to ideally ride my bike across town, go to the park, read my cosmology book...crochet...do some suduko...write, and then possibly go do some much needed shopping. HMMMM, I think I might go get my hair all bedazzled n' shit on Thursday..haha. I want to either dye it red or a dark purple. I unno. God damn. Hm.

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Tuesday, July 4th, 2006

Time:7:46 pm.
If anyone knows any good tattoo shop in Oregon or Washington, please let me know! My birthday is near and I need to start shopping around. I don't want a shitty chest piece!
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Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Time:7:24 pm.
These past few days have been a fucking rollercoaster as far as the house is concerned. Today was the day we were SUPPOSE to move, but obviously this isn't the case. Right now my parents aren't betting on getting the house. We gave them an altamadem (sp as fuck) and if they cant' do it then no go...and i'm going to end up moving out myself cause fuck my neighborhood.

On the flip side, I signed all my paperwork for 24 hour fitness. Downside is I have to be 18 before I am hired on. So on my birthday I get to become an official employee.... :D

**Jenny: We must chill as soon as my house bullshit mellows out and we figure out if we're moving or not. <3
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LiveJournal for (jenn).

View:User Info.
View:Website (webshots).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.